Dems Unveil Weekend At Bernie’s Strategy For Ginsburg Departure
Washington, DC -- Still licking their wounds from the upcoming retirement of Justice Anthony Kennedy, House Democrats have opted for a more proactive approach in their handling of the next likely Supreme Court departure: Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
A congressional aide, former college DJ Jake Chambers, has been tasked with shadowing RBG 24/7, so as to quickly pivot her to a Weekend At Bernie’s-like figurehead should she suddenly pass.
If Jake can simply keep his eyes fixated on the 85-year-old great-grand gatekeeper at all times, should something suddenly happen, his training indicates that he’ll quickly apply the shades, flip on the boombox and maintain the homeostasis of our nation’s highest court.
This swift congressional contingency planning ensures that our nation’s most cherished human-rights protections shall remain in place for the foreseeable future.