Elaine Chao Heroically Carries Husband McConnell To Safety Through Hoards Of Angry Resistance Protesters
Washington, DC -- Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao saved the day this morning, as she brazenly carried husband and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to safety past crowds of angry liberals outside their residence.
Resistance organizers arranged the protest to start in the wee hours of the morning when Chao and her husband were on their way out the door to work. “I saw these triggered libs saying all sorts of nasty names to my little Mitchums and when he hears these bad words he just goes into his shell, so to speak, and I was forced to take some action,” Chao said.
“I picked him up and carried my little baby into the waiting car. When I put him down gently on the seat next to me, I noticed he was passed out. The blood went right to his head, he was only a bit dizzy, so I breathed easy and off we went to do our thing, which of course is nothing.”
Chao went on, “We actually love resistance. We love resisting all sorts of new ideas. That’s the basis of conservatism. Keep things exactly as they are. We like to pretty much do nothing at our respective jobs. It keeps the relationship so positive, really.”
Mitchums was unavailable for comment.
Photo by Gage Skidmore || CC-BY-SA-2.0