Breaking News: Somebody’s Great Grandfather To Retire Soon
Washington, DC -- Today the nation reels as news has broken that Mikey’s Kennedy’s great-grandfather will formally retire from his job at the end of July.
Having never heard of Mikey’s pop-pop hours earlier, most of America now finds themselves singing Wiz Khalifa’s See You Again while contemplating the uncertainty of what lies ahead. They're saying it's like the Walmart yodeling kid, but much older and sadder.
"I'm not sure why everyone cares about this. My great-grandpa is always stressed. It's tough sitting next to Aunt Sotomayor day-after-day. Can't he just inch closer to his eternal vacation and slumber without so much attention," said 6-year-old Mikey in an exclusive interview with The Flake News.
In related news, we're hearing Mikey pal Maddy Ginsburg's great-grandma is considering scaling back her hours to spend more time with loved ones. The world braces for the next retiree moving to Florida.
Photo by The Russian Presidential Press and Information Office + www.kremlin.ru || CC-BY-4.0