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Trump Dethrones Stephen King And Becomes King Of Horror

Trump Dethrones Stephen King And Becomes King Of Horror

Washington, DC -- Novelist Stephen King recently gave a talk on horror writing at Georgetown University in Washington, DC. At the end of the talk he opened up the floor for questions. One student asked the inevitable - what Stephen King thought about Donald Trump. 

King, before answering, let out a long sigh, and then grabbed a pen from his back jeans pocket, and scratched his temple. He was thoughtful. Finally, he leaned into the microphone and said,

“Well, he has everyone up at night in a cold sweat, afraid to pull back the covers, checking under the stairs, running home at night worried about there not being street lights,” King said, then a darker look came over his face and he looked the student directly in the eye. “That used to be my job.”

King then looked at the ceiling and mused, “I think it’s Steve Bannon writing all this stuff, I mean, it’s got to be, right? He’s the dark genius, not Kelly, he couldn’t come up with this stuff. It’s got to be Bannon.

 

 

“Whoever the Hell it is writing up Trump’s agenda, they’re good. I mean scary good. They’re stealing from me. They’re stealing from my works of horror, then making them better.
 
“For example,” King said as he got up and started pacing around the stage,  “Trump’s got these kids rounded up in a bunch of weird, alien, spaceship-looking tents, walking around without their parents. Um, am I going to get royalties from this or what?! Just because you didn’t call it Children of the Corn 10 doesn’t mean that’s not exactly what it is.

“But they don’t speak English, and they are all from Mexico or different Central and South American countries,” King said, almost to himself, “Now that, I mean that’s just good writing man, hey how do you say ‘he who walks behind the rows’ in Spanish?! Anyone?! Oh wow, whatever it is, it’s got to be creepy!” King said, without waiting for an answer. He grabbed a pad from his jacket pocket and started scribbling furiously. “I mean that’s good man! That’s greatness. Who comes up with that? Kushner????!!!!! No! Maybe Melania is the evil genius!”

King then looked back to the students, and at a feverish pitch said, “And then, you know, OK, so here is Sarah Huckabee Sanders, ripped almost directly from my novel Misery! Except, here’s the thing, the lazy eye, that’s an embellishment, but the similarities are her temper and her desire for the main character to rewrite the story because she doesn’t like how the protagonist, in this case, Trump, is portrayed. She isn’t beating the reporter’s knees in with a sledgehammer literally, but she most certainly is doing it figuratively, verbally, by cowing and shaming them!"

“OK, and here is another one, so the incestuous relationship between Donald and Ivanka is ripped straight, straight from Sleepwalkers. They are not cat people, but there is definitely some sexual tension there. Some real tension which he readily acknowledges...

“And I don’t know, maybe Kellyanne Conway is Carrie, I don’t know. People are definitely laughing at her. Whether or not her mother predicted that, I can’t say for sure,” King said, laughing. “They’re all gonna laugh at you Kellyanne if you keep employing that circular reasoning and saying things that don’t make logical sense. And they are, they are all laughing at her. Maybe Kellyanne has always been this way and people laughing at her was inevitable. They’re all gonna laugh at you Kelly…

 

 

“But the biggest rip, and another place I think I am definitely entitled to some royalties is in Trump’s persona. Think about it, he wears the same suit all the time. He wears that ridiculous wig on purpose. He acts like a clown to bring you in, then he bites off your arm! Hello! HE IS IT! Trump is IT! Instead of a ghostly alien force haunting the small Maine town of Derry, he is this weird alien ghost force haunting Capitol Hill.
     
“And it doesn't take an idiot to see that he thrives on fear just like IT. The more you are afraid of him, well you get it…
     
“Maybe it is Melania who writes this stuff….” King said as he stared off into space, chewing his pen. 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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