UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Tom Arnold Finds Perfectly Edible Egg Salad At Bottom Of Parking Lot Dumpster, One Step Closer To Discovering Pee Tape

Tom Arnold Finds Perfectly Edible Egg Salad At Bottom Of Parking Lot Dumpster, One Step Closer To Discovering Pee Tape

Los Angeles, CA -- Super-sleuth former actor and current Roseanne Barr ex-husband Tom Arnold was seen today hot on the trail of the Donald Trump Russian pee tapes, digging deep to the bottom of a dumpster in the back of a Party City parking lot.

“Let me tell ya, I am getting closer and closer to finding this gold every day,” a muffled Arnold said inside the dumpster. “The pee tape is real. Michael Cohen told me. Mark Burnett told me. My instinct tells me. Oh, got it!” he exclaimed holding up what appeared to be something wrapped in aluminum foil.

“This is it. Lunch! I’ll take it.” Arnold then opened up the foil revealing a plastic cup with likely two or three-day-old egg salad. “I was totally not looking for lunch, but sometimes these things will find you if you are searching hard enough.”

Arnold sat up and proceeded to eat the salad with his bare hands. “If the pee tape is out there, I will find it. I’m thinking it’s in the back of most restaurant parking lots, so I’ll have to search there, especially if I’m really hungry too,” he told us with yolk-covered fingers.

“Michael Cohen knows. Michael Cohen knows.”

 

 

Photo by Mark Gstohl  ||  CC-BY-2.0

Reports: Joe Jackson Can’t Beat Death

Reports: Joe Jackson Can’t Beat Death

Justice Anthony Kennedy Pens Touching Goodbye To Roe v. Wade On The Players’ Tribune

Justice Anthony Kennedy Pens Touching Goodbye To Roe v. Wade On The Players’ Tribune