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Gerry Mander And The Trumpettes

Gerry Mander And The Trumpettes

"The Court today [Monday, June 25] goes out of its way to permit the State of Texas to use maps that the three-judge District Court unanimously found were adopted for the purpose of preserving the racial discrimination that tainted its previous maps." - Justice Sonia Sotomayor

We redefined the district maps because "electing Republicans is better than electing Democrats" - N.C. State Rep. David Lewis

In a land where a man wearing a white shirt and a blue tie displays all the colors of our flag, Lewis' admission is no more a big deal than fellow GOP State Rep. Mark Brody calling striking teachers making 17% less than the national average "thugs." As arrogant as a cat impatiently waiting by her empty milk dish, Lewis' statement is also indicative of just how little some things have changed in Dixie since the '70s - the 1870s. 

The common thread in the Court's gerrymandering decisions this term has been to largely allow states more flexibility and influence in drawing congressional and state district lines. These decisions appear to be in line with a Homeland Security initiative signed in May of this year that calls for the relocation of residents for the purpose of preserving national security, or at the discretion of the president. 

It is not clear if the Relocation Centers that have recently sprung up across the country were initially constructed as a result of the Homeland Security directive or for holding families immigrating from Mexico as previously indicated. Multiple reports indicate that these camps, where exiled souls are encouraged to "concentrate on what it means to be a good citizen and member of the grand ol' Party," seem to have many more colonists living within their combined walls than could possibly be accounted for by the number of people recently captured at the border.

For weeks there have been reports of clandestine invitations to a special think tank session being extended to our foremost less-conventional scientists and theorists, apparently also in the name of national security. Experts in global warming and climate change, rockets and weaponry, ancient aliens and history comprise the majority of the nation's scholars currently unaccounted for. As confirmed by three anonymous sources with an uncommonly consistent recounting of events, individuals that declined the invitation were aboard their outbound trains as scheduled nonetheless.

 

 

As Pullmans filled with many of our intellectuals speed across the plains, perhaps to cogitate in underground caverns, busload after busload of what appear to mostly Hispanic people have been observed heading south. When questioned about the apparent exodus, Attorney General Jeff Sessions would only respond by quoting Genesis 28:15, which reads, "Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." 

Additionally, hundreds of thousands of families have been ordered to either report to a Relocation Center or swap residences - lock, stock & AR-15 - with another household. The changes in the affected political spectrum are projected to have a dynamic impact on upcoming election results. When asked if these mass relocations were for the purpose of skewing elections, the president responded simply, "It'll make things easier for us, yes."

In non-related news, the Department of Education has informed all school districts that previously used Science and History books are to be sent to an address in Montana, and that new textbooks entitled "A Christian Book of Science" and "The History of America as told by Jesus" will be purchased for use at each grade level. Furthermore, beginning in second grade, a new subject - Party Government - shall be included in each grade's curriculum, utilizing the textbook entitled "Work Sets You Free." 

High School students will also be required to purchase and read President Trump's bestseller, "My Struggle - You Have No Idea!"

 

 
Trump Hits New Low With Tom Selleck Quip

Trump Hits New Low With Tom Selleck Quip

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