UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

California Dems Rush To Find Indigenous Trans Aborted Fetus To Challenge Pelosi Following Shocking Primaries

California Dems Rush To Find Indigenous Trans Aborted Fetus To Challenge Pelosi Following Shocking Primaries

San Francisco, CA -- The California Democratic Party has pushed their current search for a challenger to current congresswoman and Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi into hyperdrive, as recent shocking defeats in the primaries have intensified the need to find the right opposition candidate.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s unexpected defeat of incumbent New York Representative Joe Crowley has the Democratic machine in tumult. “We just need an Indigenous candidate. Who’s trans or something like that. Maybe no gender at all? And please be a recently aborted fetus. Or what’s the age minimum for congress? 25 I guess. So someone who was aborted in the 90’s, that would be great,” said Democratic committee member Susan Beerzer.

 

 

“We need fresh, we need new. We need something voters are clamoring for but haven’t seen before. How about a lion that was hunted down by a Trump kid? Yes, how about a muslim cow that was mistreated by today’s industrial farming system?”

While Democrats are yet to wholly support one candidate, you can bet they will all agree on a single person and support that candidate 100%, as usual.

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

Trump Nominates Russian Ambassador To Supreme Court

Trump Nominates Russian Ambassador To Supreme Court

Reports: Joe Jackson Can’t Beat Death

Reports: Joe Jackson Can’t Beat Death