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Source: White House Advisor Stephen Miller’s Absence May Be Result Of Vampirism

Source: White House Advisor Stephen Miller’s Absence May Be Result Of Vampirism

The increasingly rare appearances of the pale and ghoulish White House advisor Steven Miller is reportedly due to a flare up of his lifelong struggle with vampirism. The disease can lead to an absence of human blood in individuals and as a result those precious bodily fluids need to be refilled on a near daily basis. It can, among other symptoms, lead to an aversion of being seen in the light of day.

In that vein, according to a Department of Homeland Security source, Miller is being investigated for using his position to ship cages stocked with migrant children to unidentified regions throughout the country for ‘storage.’

“Miller’s involvement became known to Homeland when it began to trace the whereabouts of the hundreds of undocumented children who have disappeared,” said the source. “He was the primary architect of the President’s order to drop ship children around the country and it appears some down stream distributions may have been off the books.  The missing link in finding these kids seems to be Miller.” 

Prior to working with the president, Miller had been an aide to Republican representative Michele Bachmann and Senator Jeff Sessions, where the first symptoms of his regressive behavior and odious actions could easily be overlooked.

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore  ||  CC-BY-2.0-SA

FLOTUS Spokesperson: Melania 'Be Best' English Reader But Missed That Whole Jacket Thing

FLOTUS Spokesperson: Melania 'Be Best' English Reader But Missed That Whole Jacket Thing

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