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RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel’s Attempt To ‘Crush All Dissent’

RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel’s Attempt To ‘Crush All Dissent’

Letter from Llanaber

There is a new phrase on the lips of the old dingbat who is the boss of the parish council here, Mrs. Dorothy ‘Binky’ Trim. It is:


“Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the Dorothy Trim agenda for making Llanaber great again will be making a big mistake.”


This rather sinister locution suddenly appeared in a very threatening way in the middle of the parish council meeting last night. Let me fill you in on the background.


With her usual modesty and self-effacement, Mrs. Trim was treating us to another diatribe about what makes her tenure as parish leader better than that of anyone else in the entire history of time. Normally it’s just a prolonged rant during which most of us wander off to the loo or make a cup of tea, her tortuous and convoluted reasoning being mostly rhetorical, and over the place like a mad woman’s dottle. 


But last night was different. Midst the claptrap Mrs. T started referring to her ‘five point plan’ to make, and I quote, “This poxy village of ours great again.”


She then started handing out A4 photocopies of her master plan to bring prosperity back to the village. When I saw what was on the sheet my heart sank. I reproduce for you below in its entirety. Mrs. Trim’s five point plan is:


No. 1 - Big up the tourist attractions in the village by printing a brochure full of lies to draw in more punters.
No. 2 - Squeeze every cent possible out of the dolts that come by charging extortionate entrance fees to the attractions.
No. 3 - Build a castle with the profits.
No. 4 - Add the castle to the brochure. Re-print the pack of lies but now include the real castle. This will draw in even more mug punters.
No. 5 - Repeat steps 1 to 4.


After handing out the sheets, she sat back proudly in her chair and started slapping herself on her back in a congratulatory way. The room fell silent.


“Questions?” she asked, giving all of us her ‘anyone that pipes up will get crucified’ look. 


But surprisingly a lot of questions were asked. Below I briefly summarize the questions that were asked with the corresponding responses from Mrs. T:


Q: ‘Apart from the fog bound beach, does the village actually have any attractions?’
A: ‘Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the Dorothy Trim agenda for making Llanaber great again will be making a big mistake.’
Q: ‘If we get more tourists what can we do to hide the ghastly sink hole full of garbage in the high street?’
A: ‘Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the Dorothy Trim agenda for making Llanaber great again will be making a big mistake.’
Q: Is it morally acceptable to knowingly print and distribute a pack of lies in a brochure glorifying crappy attractions, some of which don’t actually exist?’
A: ‘Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the Dorothy Trim agenda for making Llanaber great again will be making a big mistake.’
Q: ‘If we built this castle then who would live in it?’
A: ‘ME!’


We all traipsed out of the council meeting will our eyes downcast, convinced the old bag had finally gone ‘skitzidoodle.’ Where on earth had she got this ‘complacency’ nonsense from?


It was when I did my early morning stint in the news feed ticker tape room in the parish offices that the metaphorical fog lifted (N. B. outside the real for was still as thick as Donald Jnr.). There was a piece about a sinister and intimidating tweet from Ronna McDaniel, the Chair of the Republican National Committee in the US, and niece of that shy and retiring liberal, Mitt Romney. McDaniels’ threatening tweet was virtually word for word the phrase Mrs. T had used, and with the same objective, i.e. to crush all dissent.


Oh dear! Troubled times ahead here and in the US, I fear.

 


One genuinely positive act Mrs. T has performed this week is well worth a mention. The apparent triumph of infallible anorexia denier and suntan bed user Donald Trump’s summit meeting with 'Chinaman' Kim Jong Un inspired the old fruit-bat to summon the head of the Druids, Benjy Yahoo, to her office for a ‘dressing down.’


This is unusual behavior for Mrs. T as she’s as thick as thieves with the rich and powerful Druid tribe and wouldn’t normally do anything that might ‘tick them off.’ But seeing the triumphant crowing by the Trump camp after their meeting, she sees an opportunity to step onto the global stage by playing the great peacemaker. Also, the Druids are getting a lot of bad press lately. They’ve started beating the Traveler’s kids in public again and feeding the limbs that are left over to their devil dogs.


The fact that the Druids and the Travelers have been at each other’s throats since time began didn’t seem to put the old girl off.


Benjy was duly summoned.


My hopes were high for a positive outcome. Despite the fact that it is village council policy that we remain neutral in this long running dispute (but secretly side with the Druids), I feel sorry for the travelers. It can’t be nice for them being imprisoned on that sand dune 24/7 with only one hose pipe and the occasional food parcel from Oxfam.


The Trim / Yahoo summit was very short. 


I reproduce the minutes below:


“Agenda:  To discuss the way forward to bring about a lasting peace between the Druids and the Travelers.
Present:     Mrs. D ‘Binky’ Trim, 
Mr. B. Yahoo, 
Mr. D. Smith (for the purpose of minute taking only)


Mrs. Trim opened the meeting by asking that, in the light of the recent successful summit between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un, would Mr. Yahoo reconsider his position on the legitimacy of the Traveler’s claims on the Arcade along the seafront in Druidellau.


There was a fifteen minute break taken allowing time for Mr. Yahoo to stop laughing.


Once calm, Mr. Yahoo responded by telling Mrs. Trim to ‘get stuffed.’


The meeting was then adjourned with no set date to reconvene. Mrs. Trim and Mr. Yahoo then left for a round of golf in the fog and a slap up lunch at the Druid’s expense.”


All credit to Mrs. T. She did try.


That’s it for now.


Cheerio!

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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