UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Elon Musk Wins Bid to Build O’Hare’s New Runway Underground

Elon Musk Wins Bid to Build O’Hare’s New Runway Underground

Chicago, IL - Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced today that the contract to build O’Hare International Airport’s next runway has been awarded to Elon Musk’s Boring Company. In a turn of events, that retrospectivley, was really not suprising at all, Mr. Musk announced that this new runway, will in fact be underground. 


After a brief introduction from the Mayor, the billionare entreprenuer, slash, bond villian candidate, laid out his plan in a three slide power point. 


“First step, is of course build the runway”, he started, as a futuristic, CGI display of an underground runway appeared on the screen. 


“Second, is of course merchandising. We plan to cut total costs by selling Boring Company branded bricks of platic explosives, left over from the development stage.” 


The slide then showed large pallets of the explosives, all wrapped in cellophane, with a branded white sticker that read, “Nope, Definitely Plastic Explosives.” 


“The last step is developing a plane that can fly through solid earth, and onto our subterranean runway. And yes, these planes will be flown by a Tesla Model X. I think it would be silly not to use this project as an oppourtuity to tackle the problem of automated commercial flight.”


The last slide was a photoshopped image of Mr. Musk riding a Space-X rocket into the atmosphere. The exhaust of the rocket appeared to be $100 dollar bills.  


One reporter felt brave enough to ask Mr. Musk how the project would be funded. The crowd immedietly exploded in boos over such a ridiculous question being asked.

 


But when Mayor Emmanuel & Mr. Musk had successfully calmed furor, the entruprenuer calmly answered: 


“It is simple, when a projects total costs equal a number that has not been discovered yet, it is hard for private equtiy firms to say no, or to say anything at all really.”

 

Photo by JD Lasica from Pleasanton, CA, US  || CC-BY-2.0

White Nationalist Candidates Offer Hope For Racialist-Curious Voters Across America

White Nationalist Candidates Offer Hope For Racialist-Curious Voters Across America

RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel’s Attempt To ‘Crush All Dissent’

RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel’s Attempt To ‘Crush All Dissent’