Trump Announces Plans To Create Border Gulags To Solve Immigration Woes
At an impromptu press conference on the Mar-a-Lago greens, President Donald Trump announced that because of Kim Jong Un’s success with quieting dissent and the scum who perpetrate it, the US will open the first of many immigration gulags along the Mexican and Canadian border.
“You’ve got to hand it to the Kimster. Gulags very effective. Put all the rapists and drug pushers. In the gulag. Big gulags. All along border. Good people. Winners,” President Trump told the White House press pool. A reporter from Jackal News asked if immigrant children would be placed in the gulags, to which Mr. Trump responded, “Definitely. A very nice gulag. In fact, the nicest. Candy. Cake. Nip it in the bud.” Another journalist questioned Mr. Trump about the Canadian gulags. “Sneaky, weak Trudeau. Next time be a man. White immigrants. It’s going to cost him. All of them. Tariff gulags.”
A journalist representing the La Ville asked “But President Trump, don’t you see a misalignment of values between the U.S. and North Korea, which has one of the worst --.” Mr. Trump interrupted the journalist, “You guys don’t get it. The guy got a bad rap. I shook his hand. Strong. Hard. Looked him in the eye. Fake news. Young guy. Nice guy.” Mr. Trump went on to say that he and Kim had a lot in common and that they now had a deal to denuclearize North Korea. “Nobody else could do it. Not Muslim Obama or lying Clinton, maybe not even Reagan. No more nukes. Kim, funny name for a guy, right? Kim. Big changes coming. Going to get rid of all the bombs. Big bombs. Gone.”
When asked for a timeline and process, Mr. Trump said “Talk to Abe. Great guy. He gets it. First steps. I’m gonna get all his guys back. Kim and I shook on it. A man’s word. Not sure where the nukes will go. Maybe Russia. Maybe China.” A roar from the press erupted as journalists shouted out questions about the comment. Mr. Trump smiled and quieted the crowd. “Jk, guys. Jk. Scaredy cats. Maybe we send them in rockets. That’ll be a red glare, right? US Space Force and Kim’s guys. Shoot those suckers into outer space. Boom. Gone. Only me. I’m the one. Boom. Shaka Laka.” As Mr. Trump walked away, a reporter yelled out, “What about the Dreamers?” “Let them eat cake,” he laughed.