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Angry Trump’s De Niro Tweet Harbors Deeper Resentment

Angry Trump’s De Niro Tweet Harbors Deeper Resentment

Letter from Llanaber 


The world undoubtedly works in mysterious ways. There’s always more to any story than meets the eye. It’s only when you begin to look behind the headlines and dig deep for the truth that one will discover what’s really going on. 

Take for example the recent spitting contest between, old ‘potty-mouth’ and has-been actor, Robert De Niro, and America’s shy and retiring leader, Donald Trump. 

On the face of it the evidence would suggest that Mr. De Niro was grandstanding at the Tony Awards in order to court the popularity of the other left wing, pinko, live-on-your-knees, wooly minded, overpaid, self-congratulatory ‘luvvies’ in the audience, sat stuffing their anorexic faces with tissues and clapping like Gibbons at every anti-Trump jibe. 

So what reaction did De Niro expect after blurting out his four letter ‘mouth-fart’ then waving his hands in the air like a Daesh suicide bomber standing at a bus stop outside a Jewish girl’s school? 

His remarks, quite rightly, appeared to annoy the normally modest, self–deprecating fine fellow who is the boss of America (and therefore by definition the smartest** guy over there).

Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction. This was Mr. Trumps, and I quote his tweet verbatim:

“Robert De Niro, a very Low IQ individual, has received to* many shots to the head by real boxers in movies. I watched him last night and truly believe he may be “punch-drunk.” I guess he doesn’t // realize the economy is the best it’s ever been with employment being at an all-time high, and many companies pouring back into our country. Wake up Punchy!”    (*his grammatical error, not mine)

At first Mr. Trump’s apparently thin–skinned, childish back swipe at the revered elderly De Niro would appear to fail Mr. Trump’s usually high standards of politeness, fairness and probity. Also I struggled with what I would call ‘the common sense test’ when applied to Mr. Trump’s tweet. 
This I did for the following reasons:

I understand that Mr. De Niro is an actor, right? i.e. he earns his living by ‘pretending.’ He is famously known for it and would appear to have had a long and distinguished career at the job, playing many and varied roles. Even a dimwit like me knows that an actor ‘pretends.’

It follows that if Mr. De Niro was playing the part of a boxer, he wouldn’t actually be boxing. He would be pretending to box. As such he wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) ever get seven shades of dottle knocked out of his brain.

So why then Mr. Trump’s remarks? The normally infallible fanny-magnet and Braniac appeared to have ‘got it wrong.’ 

For the avoidance of doubt I looked up the word ‘acting’ in the dictionary. It is both a noun and an adjective:

Noun: the art or occupation of performing fictional roles in plays, films, or television.
Adjective: temporarily doing the duties of another person.

When I read the two distinctly different uses the word can be put to, the perpetual fog was lifted from my mind. 

I understood (or at least I thought I did).

The explanation is thus: Mr. Trump must believe Mr. De Niro is an actor in the adjective sense of the word. By this I mean, say, in the movie ‘Raging Bull,’ Mr. De Niro is ‘temporarily standing in’ for Jake LaMotta in an actual boxing match. In which case De Niro would have gotten seven shades of dottle battered out of his head. You see actors aren’t used to being professional boxers. They aren’t really trained for it. Ask De Niro to sit about ‘waiting for Godot’ and he’s in his element, but shove him in a cage with Eric ‘Butterbean’ Esch for five minutes, then my money would be a) on the fat lad winning and b) on Mr. De Niro pooing his pants.

So, enigma sorted. The US top-dog simply got it wrong.

But then I thought of Mr. Trump’s infallibility, and his ‘Garry Kasparovian’ strategic three dimensional thinking mega-brain. It must be more than a simple misunderstanding of the use of a word that had gotten the cheese-ball faced anorexia denier so riled. 

Think like the president, I thought to myself, see the bigger picture.

This I did.

It was so obvious. I felt such a fool for not spotting it straight away. 

The President’s enmity towards the full time ‘pretending-to-be-somebody-else-for-a-living-and-making-$millions’ De Niro had nothing to do with the actor’s embarrassing claptrap at the Tony awards. Mr. Trump, like a seventy-year-old Stilton, is very mature and too thick skinned to be rattled by a dumb crowd pleasing stunt such as De Niro’s. 

I now believe it is as follows: Mr. Trump is ambivalent towards De Niro. He couldn’t give a fly-away comb-over what the leathery faced foul-mouthed old beardy bit player said about him. On the other hand he wants to keep the men that ‘sit on his right hand’ happy. So, who amongst the Presidents entourage and close confidantes has an axe to grind with Mr. De Niro?
It’s obvious!

The President’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani of course!

But why? (I hear you ask).

The Godfather Part 11 – Best actor: Al Pacino, Best supporting actor: Robert De Niro. 
Giuliani acted his socks off as the consigliore in that movie but never even got a mention. How deep the pools of hate and resentment run for those afflicted with the green eye of envy. 

All I’ll say is this. 

Mr. Giuliani, stop dripping you poison into Donald Trump’s ear and let it go. It was in 1974, for Chrissakes! 

Move on, man! 

Get a life. 

Your time may yet come. I hear on the grapevine that forceps-birth-faced and alleged rapist Harvey Weinstein (no relation) may be looking for a bit player for his part in his upcoming rom-com romp, ‘Me Too.’ Put yourself forward for this if you think your lawyering job isn’t going that well. (You seem to be getting it wrong a lot lately). Poor old Harv can’t leave his house and get to the studio with that bracelet on his leg. You look a bit like him (bloated, sinister, pervy). If you went for the audition you’d be a ‘shoe in.’

** The word ‘smart,’ was used by Mr. Trump to describe 'Chinaman’ Kim Jong Un at their recent carousal in Singapore. This is another of those words that has many dictionary definitions, and can be used as an adjective (clean, tidy, well dressed), a noun (intelligence, acumen), and a verb (a sharp stinging pain). I know which one I would apply as a description of both these ‘great’ men.

That’s it for now.



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