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Having Annoyed G7, Trump Plans North Korean Exile

Having Annoyed G7, Trump Plans North Korean Exile

Dear Melania,

 

Your husband has brought Europe together. We all hate him almost as much as you do! Merkel, Macron, May (the Three Ms) can't stand him. Whoever is in charge of Italy agrees. And how does a man piss off Canadians?

 

I watched some of the G7 meeting. I could have sworn Macron and Trudeau kept speaking French whenever they were near Donald, and they kept adding “Mueller” to their sentences. Monsieur L'Orange looked very peeved.

 

Write soon,

Ludmilla

 

 

Dear Ludmilla,

 

Well, the Orange Cupcake is back from Quebec and Singapore. The staff in the White House had almost cheered up, and some of the interns were actually able to scale back on their medication. The good times are over, now, though.

 

He has been more insufferable than usual. He has spent much of the last couple days strutting around in his underpants and T-shirt saying, “Who da man, now, Barack!” And “What are you looking at, Trudeau?” 

 

As usual, I went through his suit pockets while he was in his bed eating Kentucky Fried Chicken (how do you think I paid for that secret villa of mine back in Slovenia – the one he doesn't know about?). I found a manila envelope with several North Korean passports in it. One for him, one for me, one for Junior, Eric, Barron and Ivanka. And a note “Jerrod is still expendable.”

 

When he said Kim was a tough negotiator, he meant he had to kick in an extra $100 million to get the exile package done. When Mueller knocks, he plans on being in Pyongyang. That's why there was talk of opening the burger stand after the summit.

 

Not me, though. My villa awaits.

 

Love,
Melania

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