Cartoon Network Said To Be Pursuing Merger With Fox News
Cartoon Network is reportedly set to make a competing bid against Comcast and Disney to acquire Fox News in an effort to capture the coveted white, unemployed, under-educated and easily misled Fox News viewers.
“It‘s the perfect synergy between leaders in their field,” said a source within Cartoon Network who spoke off the record. “This is an opportunity to cross over personalities from the two networks to offer viewers a unique and refreshing blend of commentary and insight as well as whatever Fox News might bring to the table.”
With the legal restrictions that a deal with Disney would have the opportunity to bring over talent such as Jessica Rabbit to replace Tomi Lahren and Cruella De Ville to take over for Jeanine Pirro would be in jeopardy. Executives at Fox had also considered adding Montgomery Burns and Scrooge McDuck to the Fox Business lineup as well as replacing the current hosts of “The Five” with Dopey, Sleepy, Grumpy, Happy and Bashful. Also on the table had been using Pinocchio to guest host ‘Hannity’ when Sean was unavailable.
As an alternative to Disney, the source revealed, Fox executives view some of the titles currently on Cartoon Network as the kind of programming that Fox News is known for. For example, CN’s ‘Justice League’ would add Alan Dershowitz and Andrew Napolitano to current headliner Black Canary to offer legal opinion.
‘DC Super Hero Girls’, now featuring Poison Ivy, would bring in every girl’s role models Laura Ingram and Ann Coulter to share news coming from around the beltway and ‘OK, K.O.! and Let’s Be Heroes’ would change its storyline to introduce everyday people who take the law into their own hands with hosts Radicles and Geraldo Rivera. Executives also hope to retool Cartoon Networks’ ‘Annoying Orange’ as a rebut to critics of Donald Trump, to be anchored by Tucker Carlson and Bartlett Pear.
Reportedly, “Fox and Friends” will not see any lineup changes as it can’t be any more cartoonish then it already is.
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