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No Transletters: Betsy Devos Tells Schools The Letter Y Can’t Sometimes Be A Vowel

No Transletters: Betsy Devos Tells Schools The Letter Y Can’t Sometimes Be A Vowel

A Kindergarten Class Near You, USA -- In a stunning announcement, Secretary of Education Betsy Devos has told schools to stop letting students use the letter Y as a vowel. Devos claims God did not intend it to be used as a vowel while treating the other letters so unfairly. The letter is now only to be used as a consonant.

 

“There are like 32 letters in the alphabet and we can’t just let them switch when they feel like it,” Devos told us while smoking in the girls bathroom. 

 

Devos made the decision today after spending most of her morning coloring outside of the lines. The Education Secretary, who only needed 3 tries to pass the 1st grade, said the decision is “finale.” An aid for Devos then corrected the memo and said the decision was final, and not finale.

 

 

Devos also made additional changes to our nation’s public school curriculum. Sex education will be discontinued and instead she believes kids can just figure it out on their own. Gym will now be shirts and skins for both genders due to new equality measures. White History Month will happen in January and March to make a “reverse Oreo of history” as Devos boldly claimed. 

Photo by Gage Skidmore  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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