Trump Pardons The Devil
President Donald Trump pardoned the Devil on Thursday morning, sparing the demonic leader further persecution by the Deep State.
Shortly after an early morning tweet declaring that he “has the absolute right to pardon” himself, Trump tweeted, “The Devil was treated very unfairly by the previous Administration. I am pleased to inform you that I have just granted a full pardon to a 6,000 year old patriot, The Devil.”
Evangelical leaders quickly praised the pardon. President of Liberty University Jerry Falwell, Jr. called Trump’s decision “Courageous! An honorable act of selfless, high-minded benevolence.”
Pastor Robert Jeffress, a controversial figure who spoke at the US embassy site’s inaugural celebration in Jerusalem said Trump “has now superseded the Son, he sits next to the Father.” “I’ve always had an affinity for The Devil,” said Jeffress.
Former Alabama Supreme Court judge and candidate for the US Senate Roy Moore called this a “watershed moment for the faithful.” “I have a close personal and professional relationship with The Devil. I’ve been working with him for decades,” said Moore.
At an impromptu press conference Thursday afternoon, Trump told reporters that The Devil is a strong leader. “Can you imagine, you have the worst people down there? Look what he did with that. He’s a strong leader,” Trump said. “Now, it’s a very different system, Hell. And I don’t like the system. But certainly, in that system, he’s a leader. He was treated very unfairly.”