President Trump Begins Process To Designate Amazon Terrorist Organization
President Donald Trump began the formal process today of declaring Amazon a terrorist organization, this according to several reports. Additionally, he has instructed the FBI to place Amazon founder Jeff Bezos at number one on the FBI Ten Most Wanted List. The military has also been given orders to raid Amazon HQ and to capture all of Amazon’s senior leadership. The president went so far as to give pit another one of his witty nicknames, calling Amazon Prime by the new name “Amazon Crime.” Sources say the entire cabinet stood up and clapped after hearing the new name and that Vice President Mike Pence stated, “You’re such a genius, Mr. President; I don’t know how you do it."
After making the decision to act against Amazon, Trump was quoted as saying, “This is an evil organization that is acting to destroy this beautiful country from within. They’re in the first stage right now, they’re hurting everyday Americans by making the US Post Office go broke with a very bad deal. What do they think? That the Post Office is some kind of errand boy for them? That they’re just there to deliver their packages like some sort of personal mail transporter? You know who last used the Post Office to terrorize this country? It was the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, and Amazon is worse than the Unabomber because they actually want to destroy the country.”
Anonymous sources report that Trump also demanded the Washington Post and other “Fake News” organizations be listed as co-conspirators in a terrorist plot to overthrow the government. Trump said that they were conspiring with Amazon by giving the e-commerce giant good press coverage and giving the administration bad coverage to sway the minds of the people. In a press conference later in the day, Sarah Huckabee Sanders responded to a reporter’s question citing concerns about the 1st Amendment saying, “Any concerns about the 1st Amendment being limited are ridiculous and unfounded.” As reporters from the Washington Post, CNN and MSNBC were led out of the press room in handcuffs, Sanders went on to address a question from the New York Times regarding the Trump Administration’s new policy of separating illegal immigrant mothers from their unborn children.