Two Kims in DC, Trump Demands 'I Get the Hottie'
In an amazing coincidence, two persons of interest named Kim were in Washington, DC for meetings on Wednesday. Kim Yong Chol, former chief of intelligence for the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea and current Vice-Chairman of North Korea’s ruling Workers’ Party was there to work on preparations for the potential US North Korea Summit. Also in DC was Kim Kardashian, the reality TV star, who was seeking a pardon for a sixty-year-old grandmother convicted for her role in drug trafficking more than 20 years ago.
The Korean Kim is the single highest-ranking North Korean to visit the United States since 2000. He is meeting with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and other staff to work out details of the upcoming summit.
The other Kim, better known for her assets below the 38th parallel, was seeking to bring prison reform issues to the forefront and to highlight the case of Alice Marie Johnson.
Donald Trump was quick to inform his staff on his preference for curing any potential scheduling conflicts. “I get the Hottie. Tell Pompeo he has to deal with the Korean fellow. I am only one man and can’t do everything. Besides beautiful women is sort of my area of expertise. Have you seen my wife? Well, I have, and she is hot. The hottest. All my wives were gorgeous, I like pretty women. I collect them, sort of. They can get pretty expensive.”
“Remember that funny tape from Access Hollywood. That was hilarious. And the beauty pageants, I owned them. No one knows beautiful woman more than me. Ivanka, there is another hot one. I made that, you know. Too bad she is my daughter, otherwise I would have had a hot date for the White House Correspondents’ dinner.”
“I wonder if Kim will need to change while she is here at the White House? I could offer her my personal oval office bathroom and then when she starts to… Oh, better not, harassment is not nearly as much fun as when I was doing it. Someone get Cohen on the line and see if he thinks it would be a bad idea even if I make it look like an accident.”
White House Spokesperson Sarah Sanders brought up the president’s busy schedule and stressed “the President’s decision to meet with the Hot One was based solely on his commitment to prison reform. He is still committed to meet with the Little Rocket Man, but felt that world peace and denuclearization could take a back seat to Miss Kardashian, at least for one day.”