Trump Adds Dildos To EU Tariff List
In a statement yesterday, the Trump Administration announced it would impose tariffs on steel, aluminum and dildo imports from the European Union.
The Dow Jones Industrial Average dipped nearly 500 points after news that dildos were added to the President’s short list of products eligible for taxation at the border.
US Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer told reporters on Thursday that Trump is taking a “hard” line with the EU. “The President felt steel and aluminum [tariffs] alone didn’t send a strong enough message to our trade partners in the EU. US dildo manufactures have been decimated by cheap French imports,” said Lighthizer.
In an unscheduled FaceTime call-in interview with Fox & Friends, Trump was visibly agitated. “You don’t have a country if you don’t have a dildo! Cryin’ Chuck Schumer…..he loves French dildos. Democrats and French perverts will no longer be allowed screw God fearing dildo users in real America,” Trump said.
The President’s lead attorney on the Russia investigation Rudy Giuliani offered a different explanation for the dildo tariff. In an interview with Fox News host Sean Hannity, Giuliani suggested the President doesn’t like dildos and this is the initial first phase of a coordinated anti-dildo campaign.
“The President is afraid of dildos. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a crime,” Giuliani said. “As a matter of fact, we’re going to see if we can get rid of dildos altogether. Wouldn’t that be great? A dildo-free America.”