Report: Third World Falls Into 4th Place, U.S. Slips Into 2nd
According to a yet to be published report by Barnyard University, a swath of the international community has suddenly found their standing in the world downgraded.
The primary reason for the drop is the demotion of the United States from its membership in the coveted First World tier into sole possession of second. That in turn placed every country beneath it into a lower bracket.
Despite being “once thought of as the ‘big swinging balls’ in the world, America’s status has dropped off like lemmings to the sea,” said one of the paper’s authors who wished to remain anonymous.
“Usually the fall of a country's position is affected by a further deterioration of long-running economic and political unrest. This, however, is the first case where a stable nation has so steeply declined in such a short period of time due to a self-described democratic election,” said the source.
The report points out that a minority of voters in the United States ‘has given a collection of backward thinkers near complete control of the nations laws and direction. Other factors include the installation of cabinet members ill-suited or hostile to agencies they were chosen to lead, rampant conflict of interest and a president with a near total lack of situational awareness.’
The study used both empirical and statistical data from multiple sources including Twitter, U.S. News & World Report, BuzzFeed and interviews at NASCAR to reach its conclusions.
Although considered controversial, the findings are often referenced by international bankers, arms salesmen and party planners for financial investments and other opportunities.