Trump Demands Hawaii Recount Citing Proof of 'Deep State' Conspiracy 'Deep Within The State'
President Donald Trump, in a surprise move today, demanded a recount of the 2016 election tally for the state of Hawaii, citing solid proof there was a "deep state" conspiracy hidden "deep within the state."
Hawaii has been a solidly state for Democrats for most of its statehood, having shifted from its traditional blue to red in only two presidential elections, voting for Reagan in 1984 and Nixon in 1972. Democrats usually win by a solid margin, including two elections with over 70% for “Hawaii-born Kenyan" Barack Obama.
Trump has called for an investigation after pictures of the lava flows on the Big Island were briefly shown on the news between stories of Crooked Hillary and Robert “No Collusion” Mueller. One image showed gas from deep underground seeping out and being ignited by the heat of the flowing lava. Trump noted the flames were blue and came from deep within the Hawaiian underground. He claimed it was proof there was a “deep state” conspiracy when even the state’s natural gas clearly favored the Democrats.
Trump immediately called in his top advisors for advice. Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke stated he was not sure where Hawaii was, but thought it was west of Montana. Son-in-law and top advisor Jared Kushner said he knew nothing about Hawaii and didn't think any of "his people" lived there. Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin would be happy to go and check it out, but his wife thinks shopping in Hawaii is “so middle class.” And EPA Director Scott Pruitt could not be reached as he was surrounded by security and already on his second merlot in his first-class seat heading to investigate the Big Island.
Trump suggested a recount be held immediately, with the presence of the deep state blue-bias obviously having an effect on election results. “Can you imagine the landslide I would have if I had gotten Hawaii’s 40 or 50 electoral votes.” When informed Hawaii only has four electoral college votes, Trump responded by saying that’s “just a number I heard out there.”
In addition to demanding a recount, Trump seeks to build a wall around Hawaii to keep out the Mexicans. Ignoring Hawaii’s total population of less than one and a half million, he stated, “I bet there are millions of them out there. You know the bad ones, the hombres.”
Finally, he threatened to levy sanctions if Hawaii did not address the situation immediately. When asked what kind of sanctions he may impose, the president said he was not sure but might put an import penalty on pineapples. “I hear they love them out there. If we interrupt the pineapple supply coming into Hawaii that would hit them right where it hurts.” He also suggested revoking Hawaii’s statehood and reducing it to a territory of the United States. When asked what that would do, Trump smiled and said, “Ask them in Puerto Rico.”