Report: Aides Tell Unsuspecting Trump That Jack Johnson Will Definitely Not Kneel During Anthem If Granted Pardon
Washington, DC -- As President Donald Trump announced a posthumous pardon for former heavyweight champion Jack Johnson, he was repeatedly assured by aides the boxer would definitely not kneel during any future playing of the national anthem, this according to several reports.
Johnson was convicted and eventually imprisoned in the early 20th century under the Mann Act for “immoral purposes” in crossing state lines with a girlfriend. Trump showed little concern with the statute or crime and was more interested in having a high-profile athlete agree not to kneel during the Star-Spangled Banner.
“He did ask me if we could get Mueller under the Mann Act and commented that his wife looks like a ‘paid escort.’ Not exactly in those words,” said Trump aide and alleged woman-batterer Rob Porter, who has somehow regained his White House security clearance during the recent fire sale in which Jared Kushner received his. “I said, Mr. President, we will get right on it. Where’s Hope Hicks? I must talk to her right now. Right now!” screamed Porter at the pool of reporters gathered for the pardon announcement.
President Trump seemed more jovial. “I’m friends with so many black athletes. Kirby Puckett, what a hitter. Arthur Ashe, he hangs out at Roy Cohn’s place all the time, think he just stayed at Mar-a-Lago. Ken Caminiti, we work out together. Now John Jackson. You know I love the blacks!”
Jack Johnson was not available for comment.