Trump’s Lawyers Seek To Limit Scope Of Mueller Interview To Just Handshakes
Washington, DC -- As Donald Trump’s lawyers continue to put pressure on special counsel Robert Mueller and his investigation to wrap up in the coming months, various reports today indicate the president’s legal team has requested any potential interview between Mueller and Trump be limited to an introductory handshake.
Not only does Trump’s team of lawyers and their representatives want to eliminate all questions relating to possible White House obstruction into the investigation, the lawyers and lawyers’ lawyers have also requested Trump and Mueller engage in a lengthy and hearty handshake with lots of pumping.
Trump is confident he can overpower the 5’ 11” special counsel and possibly take his purple heart. After that, the president assumes Mueller will be too embarrassed to ask any Russia questions and run away in shame.
“I can’t see Mueller’s team agreeing to these terms,” said former FBI Director James Comey. “It seems unreasonably favorable to Trump to literally not ask him any questions whatsoever. In Trump’s world, a big handshake means a lot. But Mueller and the rest of America are looking for answers.”
“But of course, Robert has a nice grip,” Comey continued as we were exiting the interview. “He’s not going to let go. Who will let go first? It’s too early to tell. Hey, do you want to, like, hang out or something? I don’t have much to do today,” the former director asked us. A noticeable silence filled the room.
“No worries, that’s cool. I should catch up with my family. See what’s up. Ya know. Anyways, let me know if you want anymore soundbites. I’d love to go on The View again if you have anything to do with that. No? All good.”