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Qatari Plan To Buy Waifish Jared Kushner For Forced Manual Labor Building World Cup Stadiums Going To Seriously Backfire

Qatari Plan To Buy Waifish Jared Kushner For Forced Manual Labor Building World Cup Stadiums Going To Seriously Backfire

Doha, Qatar -- A company with close ties to government officials in the nation of Qatar has agreed in principal to bailout the infamous 666 Fifth Avenue building in Midtown Manhattan, owned by First Son-In-Law Jared Kushner and family. The agreement calls for the mentally weak and physically weaker Kushner to start immediately on the front lines of the Qatari labor camps working round-the-clock to finish scores of stadiums in time for the 2022 World Cup.

 

Kushner, having never worked a proper day in his life, is understandably petrified. “I don’t see how this is going to work,” said Dr. Howard Schnizzlebaum, Kushner’s former English literature professor. “Yeah he sure can rock those shades in the desert heat, but he never even came to class, let alone put up sheetrock in 130-degree heat.”

 

The backbreaking heat is just one problem the feeble real estate magnate-wannabe would face.

 

“He hasn’t been away from Ivanka in more than a decade. She’s not only his rock, she’s also his muscle and protection,” one White House insider told us. “If there was a zombie apocalypse, he’s getting eaten day one, for sure.”

 

Soccer officials in Qatar may not understand what they are getting for their money. “For hundreds of millions of dollars, we expect big return. Many stadiums to fill the sky. American ingenuity, the real brain power and charisma and brute strength of these real American Trump voters. We are excited,” an unnamed official said through his translator.

 

 
Snowflake’s Guide To Understanding Donald Trump, Part I

Snowflake’s Guide To Understanding Donald Trump, Part I

After Cop Shooting Of Groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil Threatens Eternal Winter

After Cop Shooting Of Groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil Threatens Eternal Winter