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Letters From Melania: Hospital Break

Letters From Melania: Hospital Break

5/15/18

 

Dear Melania,

 

I am so sorry to hear of your sudden medical procedure. Will you have enough money to pay for it all? I know Donald is supposed to be rich, but the American health system could even bankrupt a failed casino owner from what I hear. Should we start of crowd-funding campaign for you?

 

Love,

Ludmilla

______________________________________

April 17th

 

Dear Ludmilla,

 

I am perfectly fine and am not sick at all. The truth is I needed a week away from the White House. You have no idea the crying, the yelling, the table pounding – and that’s just Sarah Huckabee Sanders complaining about leaks. John Bolton is even worse. When he learned he couldn’t bomb Iran right away, he tried to throw a vase across the room. Bet you didn’t know he throws like a little girl. It bumped lightly against the wall, and he started to fidget with his mustache.

 

Anyway, the hospital VIP suite is very nice, the staff is very attentive, and I am putting everything on the Trump Organization’s tab. I took advice from the Ferris Bueller movie we used to watch – lick the palms of your hands. It’s a non-specific symptom but I convinced the doctors to tell the world about a kidney issue.


 

The only thing wrong with me is that I have no plan for when I have to leave for the White House.

 

Love,

Melania

 

 
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