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Rudy Giuliani Enjoying Time In The Spotlight But Skin And Appendages Slowly Eroding From Exposure

Rudy Giuliani Enjoying Time In The Spotlight But Skin And Appendages Slowly Eroding From Exposure

New York, NY -- A tearful and proud former New York City mayor and current President Donald Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani admitted his newfound additional fifteen minutes of fame and exposure to the limelight are gradually taking a toll on his body, causing severe burns and erosion.

 

The vampire demon expressed great appreciation for all the president has done for him, plucking him from his dark semi-existence in the shadows to once again reach heights of fame not last seen since the early aughts.

 

“I owe his excellency Trump my life for doing this for me. In fact, I will soon perish, as I am no longer relegated to the darkness that my body yearns for. But my brain and heart need to feel famous and loved. 9/11? Did somebody ask about 9/11? I will tell you, that was a brave time in my life, a very brave time. Sit down and I’ll tell you all about it,” the annoying goblin told us.

 

“The president did nothing wrong with Stormy Daniels. He did nothing wrong with Russia. There was no collusion, absolutely no collusion under any circumstances. All the other money that was paid out to other people the last couple years, that wasn’t a big deal either. Wait...wait...I have a list somewhere. Let me find it. I don’t want to miss anything about what he didn’t do. He didn’t do a lot, believe me,” the man decaying before our eyes said.

 

“Is it light in here? It’s light, isn’t it,” the red-eyed creature gurgled as he shielded his eyes.

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore  ||  CC-BY-2.0

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