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Sad Cambridge Analytica Employees Told To Clear Out Their Desks And Cache

Sad Cambridge Analytica Employees Told To Clear Out Their Desks And Cache

London, England -- As embattled data-mining firm Cambridge Analytica declared bankruptcy, terminated employees were told to clear out both their desks and cache late Wednesday.

 

The unsurprising close of the company was met with mixed reactions from its long-time workers. “Well, it’s nothing unexpected. We were waiting for this day to come since the elections news came out. HR came down here right away and asked that we clear our desks out immediately and clear the cache on all our devices even sooner. I’m going to miss all that stolen data,” said one clearly dejected employee.

 

“What’s done is done. Let’s just get rid of the remaining evidence ASAP,” London Assistant to the Assistant Manager Paul Finkles told us. “Delete the cookies, clear the cache, no browsing history, remove the hard drive, burn it, take the ashes and flush them down the toilet. That should do the trick.”

 

Employees said goodbye for the last time. “I remember stealing this guy’s data,” Jennifer Pudrow reminisced as she scrolled through a different user’s Facebook account. “Friends of friends. Ah, it was so easy back then. Where did we go wrong?”

 

 
Sobbing Sarah Huckabee Sanders Barely Able To Lie About Mexicans Today Following White House Correspondents Dinner Jokes

Sobbing Sarah Huckabee Sanders Barely Able To Lie About Mexicans Today Following White House Correspondents Dinner Jokes

Sources: The Idiot's Still In Charge

Sources: The Idiot's Still In Charge