Bored White House Press Corps Eagerly Waiting For That Ronny Jackson Sex Tape To Drop
Washington, DC -- A lifeless pool of reporters waited patiently in the White House press briefing room today for the anticipated release of some sort of sex tape featuring White House doctor and former Veterans Affairs head nominee Ronny Jackson. Or perhaps some kind of Snapchat with the doctor snorting something. Or maybe a three-second clip of the good doctor spewing some racist chant.
“We’re just letting this one figure itself out. Something’s bound to happen,” said one unnamed reporter sitting next to us. “We know the drill.”
“These stories seem to write themselves these days. Honorable doctor. Appointed by Trump. Now he has that Trump stink. Alcohol. Car crash. Prescriptions. Bowing out. Some sort of video is coming next. Snooze.”
There were days when an impending sex tape would provide a jolt of excitement into this group. But it’s not the old days anymore.
“At this point, we don’t wonder if the shoe’s going to drop. We wonder how big is that shoe or where was that shoe inserted exactly or who’s covering up that shoe. And how will Fox & Friends spin that shoe?” said foot fetishist and New York Times reporter Peter Baker.