Commissioner Left Waiting For First Pick As Confused Cleveland Browns Franchise Declares Itself Eligible For NFL Draft
Arlington, TX -- National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell was left waiting at the podium during the 2018 NFL Draft as downtrodden franchise the Cleveland Browns declared itself eligible for the draft ahead of its expected opening pick.
Pundits had expected Baker Mayfield, Josh Allen or Sam Darnold to go number one to the perennial losers, however the Browns shocked the world by instead stating their intentions to declare for the draft. “Look, we know this is out of left field. But we’re the Browns, we could only think of a baseball metaphor to describe this stupidity,” said the Browns.
“Roger, Roger. Just take it easy. We’re not going to put a pick in tonight to start this draft. We’ve tried this before several times. Several potential franchise saviors. Quarterbacks expected to do big things. But we drown them in our own suffering. Everything we touch, quite frankly, turns brown. We might as well try something different, like joining forces with another team. Okay now, who wants the Cleveland Browns?”
The draft proceeded without any of the other 31 teams selecting the Browns. A couple teams put out feelers, but they seemed scared off by the whole 75 seasons of futility thing. That hasn’t stopped the Browns from dreaming.
“We’re going to do some private workouts after the draft and try to get picked up during training camp or something. Whatever I guess,” said the Cleveland Browns newly-hired agent and great-with-money Warren Sapp.
Photo by Marianne O'Leary || CC-BY-2.0