As Republicans Bemoan Ronny Jackson Smear Job, Trump Wants One
Washington, DC -- Several high-profile Senate Republicans today came to the defense of Secretary of Veterans Affairs nominee and current White House doctor Ronny Jackson, calling the allegations he consumed alcohol excessively on the job and doled out prescription drugs with reckless abandon an “absolute smear job.”
When President Donald Trump learned of Senator John Cornyn’s comments, he was intrigued. “I’ve been all over the world, Russia, Moscow many times. Never slept over though. Just some Miss Universe stuff. Other real estate business. Meetings with some very, very powerful men. Men who know what’s going on in their country and in many other countries. Never once heard of this ‘smear job.’ Where can I get one?”
Trump went on to flat-out demand one. “Can you just give me a smear job? Anyone out there giving smear jobs today? I heard this usually originates with the press, so I’ll ask you again, can I just have a smear job?” he asked a stupefied White House press corp.
After getting no takers, the president wondered aloud how it felt to be on the receiving end of a smear job. “So maybe I won’t get one today okay, but what’s involved here? How does it feel to get smeared? I’m from New York alright, we know about schmears. Not smears. But really it must be nice, really, really nice.”
“Melania and I never did that. She’s a prude really. And after we had that kid, that’s never going to happen okay. Closed for business.”