Report: Comey Memo From Morning Breakfast Detailed 'Amazeball Muffins' And 'Scrumptious Sausages'
Washington, DC -- Former FBI Director James Comey continued to hound his family by taking detailed memos throughout the day, including during a contentious early morning breakfast.
Comey’s eldest teenage daughter, Mariel, was reportedly incensed by her father’s continued actions, even as she and wife Patrice begged Comey to put the pen down. Mariel really wanted to have a chat with her dad about her current phone restrictions, but Comey simply continued to take notes without acknowledging her.
Patrice laid out a fantastic spread and while Comey nibbled at this and that, he was seemingly more concerned with his surroundings and the people around him than the food itself.
The Flake News has obtained several of these memos, leaked by an unnamed party (and definitely NOT James himself). They paint a very different picture:
“These muffins. OMG THESE MUFFINS!! Amazeball Muffins from my little muffin. And the most scrumptious sausages ever. Hello! This is really a fantastic breakfast. But who is this older woman across from me? My, do we grow old quickly. It was just yesterday we were two young lovers. Now I see so much of Patrice in Mariel. Time. It will always catch up to you. Always victorious.”
Comey would not comment on the record about the accuracy of these memos. He did however say he wouldn’t mind another muffin.