Letters To Melania: Russia Is Beautiful
How much your life has changed since our days in the socialist paradise of Yugoslavia! Mine has not changed in a long time. I have built my travel business, and still enjoy crocheting naughty underwear -- I can hardly believe your career started that way.
I understand that you are probably tired of Mar-a-Lago – Florida is flat, swampy and buggy as you say. I looked for alternatives for you as you requested.
Sadly, Slovenia doesn't match your criteria. It checked all the boxes except for “no extradition treaty with the US.” I must say, that is rarely a requirement for my usual tourist business, but then, you are not a usual tourist.
I have narrowed the list down to three: Iran, North Korea and Russia. Iran may be difficult because you would have to keep your beautiful hair covered, but at the same time, your husband will have trouble grabbing local women by any intimate part as their garments make finding such parts hard.
North Korea seems to be a solid choice, but I believe you may have left out a significant requirement, round-the-clock electricity. Puerto Rico didn't make the list for other reasons.
Finally, there is Russia. It is beautiful, like our own Slovenia, they have a billionaire class, and your husband won't have to change employers.
Let me know if I should make your reservations. And could you confirm, did you really want one-way tickets?
Photo by IIP Photo Archive from Washington, DC, USA || CC-BY-2.0