Trump Evangelicals Praise Pee Tape As Final Step Before Apocalypse
Washington, DC -- While the majority of Americans have not yet viewed the infamous Steele Dossier “pee tape” featuring future President Donald Trump and two Russian escorts in a Moscow hotel room, several Trump-supporting evangelicals have gone on record saying they have indeed seen the video.
“I have watched what I cannot un-watch. The feelings I have for this tape are beyond words, it is despicable, disgusting, messy, unchristian. These acts here are wholly unnatural and not of this earth. One man and one woman should never engage in this loathsome behavior. And three of them? Anyway, I love Donald Trump and this is just the final step right before we get that apocalypse we’ve been talking about for a while,” pastor Ted Hagaggay commented.
“So soon He will return to this earth and defeat the evil that emerges. If that’s Trump, so be it. So this pee tape is awesome,” leader of the Cornerstone Community Chapel Francis R. Stanley told us.
J. Von Jensenman of the New International Life Church of Texas says the pee tape is just a minor temporary inconvenience in the cycle of life. “Yes, this recording will bring impending doom and end us all, but don’t worry, we’ll all be back! At least the good ones. And the ones that followed our religion and lived a very religious righteous life. I guess Trump is ok.”