UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Melania's Direct Messenger: Melania from Slovenia

Melania's Direct Messenger: Melania from Slovenia

Dear Ludmilla,

 

Thanks for accepting my friend request. It is good to hear from someone from the old days in Slovenia. Here in Washington, no one seems to want to accept my friend requests. I used to be popular before the election, but now . . .

 

Anyway, Donnie is all upset about the press treating his friend Scott Pruitt of the EPA so badly. I think Scott is asking for it. Bullet proof desks and 30 bodyguards? Naomi Campbell at her worst wasn’t that crazy. You don’t need that sort of thing if all you are going to do is dump toxic waste into the drinking water. What’s his name in Flint did that without any bodyguards at all.

 

Our apartment building in New York caught fire, too. I made the mistake of saying Donnie should have put sprinklers in. He yelled at me about how much they cost, and how it was all grandfathered in that he didn’t have to. Eventually, I had to give him a bucket of chocolate pudding and put on the Shark Tape he watches when he’s really upset. I don’t think I was out of line though. I mean, it’s his home that doesn’t have sprinklers. He may have wanted to roast Ivana and Marla, but I’m not going out that way.

 

The one thing that makes this all worthwhile is the extra time I am spending with my son Barron. He just turned 12, and so is at the age where he acts like a man sometimes and a child the next minute. He has been watching old cartoons lately, and laughing late into the night. It’s such a comfort knowing he is nearby, but he does confuse me sometimes. For the last month, he has stopped saying “Good morning, mama” like he used to. Instead he says, “I hope you and dad catch moose and squirrel today.” And he keeps calling Vladimir Putin “Fearless Leader.” I keep telling him that’s General Kelly, but he just laughs at that.
 
 

Dm me any time. IDK what I would do without my old friends.

 

Melania

 

 
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