Deep State FBI Agent Is Actually Quite Shallow Says Disgruntled Secretary
Washington, DC -- Suspected Deep State FBI agent Tom Willimborough is actually pretty shallow, according to his absolutely fed-up assistant Mary Clairmont. The shocking admission comes on the heels of some fairly serious Deep State activities definitely happening across this country.
“Let me tell you, Tom is a petty child. He has me getting his suit jackets pressed every day, completely unnecessary. And not part of my job description at all. I went through Quantico for this?” Mary told us. “I also thought maybe there was something between us, and we went out for work drinks a couple times. We’re hanging out at the bar and all of a sudden this trashy blonde comes in and he’s all like ‘oh i have to check in on this national security secret and need like a couple minutes’ and then I see him making out with her in the back!”
“Then after that, he’s all like ‘let me make it up to you pleeeeease’ and so I stupidly agree to go on a kind of informal date with him to that Pizzagate restaurant, he says he’s of course pals with the owner, and we’re sitting there drinking and good vibes and everything. And then he just straight up disappears after going to the bathroom, and doesn’t turn up for another five days saying he had to go meet with some oligarchs and figure out the 2020 U.S. elections. I’ve had it, he is just stringing me along and the worst part is that I know it.”
Willimborough was unavailable for comment and on assignment in Guantanamo Bay.