Russian Oligarchs Say They've Been Given A Bad Rap In Exclusive Opulent Submarine Palace Interview
East Siberian Sea, Russia -- A group of Russian oligarchs pleaded with Americans to give them a second chance, in a newly-released exclusive interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity aboard their lavish submarine palace off the coast of Siberia.
“Sean, what you think we do with all this money we make from downfall of USSR? We buy puppies for all of Russia,” said modest oligarch Vitaly Rotoranko. “I operate big oil business but I don’t have much cash left after all this puppy loving,” Rotoranko repeated over and over again while stroking a white cat.
“We not bad for this county or to America. We love Brit Spear and apple pie. Do you know investment opportunity in your country we can put several billion dollars into quickly? Will you just take our money please hahahaha,” a completely unsuspicious Andrei Sokolovsky shouted from the far end of the submarine toward the bowling alley.
These Russian oligarchs have recently earned a negative reputation stemming from their dealings in possible 2016 United States election interference. “Please Sean and friendly Fox viewers, we have no interest in your political system, don’t worry about a thing, please just continue watch your American Idol and eat many trans fats,” Anatoly Garampov whispered while shuffling a deck of cards in the hull of the submarine’s perfectly-legal offshore casino.
Photo by Antoniorosset / CC-BY-3.0