UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Flat Earther Kyrie Irving To Miss Playoffs And Return In Half A Sun’s Rotation Around Our Planet

Flat Earther Kyrie Irving To Miss Playoffs And Return In Half A Sun’s Rotation Around Our Planet

Boston, MA -- All-Star Boston Celtics point guard and noted flat earth conspiracy supporter Kyrie Irving will miss the remainder of the NBA regular season and playoffs, and is expected to return no later than half a rotation of the sun around the earth.

 

The basketball superstar will undergo his second knee surgery this year to fix a lingering issue from his patella repair three sun’s rotations ago. Irving was hoping to rejoin the Celtics this season in a tenth of a sun’s rotation around our globe, but the newly-announced surgery will push back his return.

 

“My concern right now is to get healthy again. I still have the utmost confidence that my Celts will hoist that championship trophy without me when the finals end in about one-fifth of the sun’s rotation around the earth,” a defiant Irving said outside the Celtics practice facility.

 

Irving hopes to spend his off-time traveling around, sorry, across, wait let’s say all over the world.

 

 

Photo by Erik Drost / CC-BY-2.0

Deep State FBI Agent Is Actually Quite Shallow Says Disgruntled Secretary

Deep State FBI Agent Is Actually Quite Shallow Says Disgruntled Secretary

Russian Oligarchs Say They've Been Given A Bad Rap In Exclusive Opulent Submarine Palace Interview

Russian Oligarchs Say They've Been Given A Bad Rap In Exclusive Opulent Submarine Palace Interview