Jittery Trump Lawyer John Dowd Secretly Floated Possibility Of Presidential Pardon For A ‘Totally Different Great Guy’ Named John Dowd
Washington, DC -- An exceedingly nervous former presidential counsel John Dowd suggested on numerous occasions Donald Trump should pardon “a really great guy who is definitely not me” named John Dowd. The repeated recommendations came as Dowd began to come under scrutiny by Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation, like so many other Trump lawyers before and after him.
The fidgety Dowd saw person after person within President Trump’s inner circle meet a variety of dark fates, including indictment, firing, trial by firing, lupus, hangnail, Steve Blass disease, cabinet-shaming, disappearance, First-Class Morass, embarrassment, Mnuchin Syndrome, flipped Flynns, and various other ailments.
Dowd is still on edge but has been resting comfortably at the family’s New Hampshire home in anticipation of his upcoming federal charges. He still believes the president should offer a pardon to this “other cool guy” named John Dowd who shares his home address.