Bewitching Republicans Pushing For More Schools In Guns Following Florida Massacre
Washington, DC -- Always prideful of their ability to be masters of diversion following school shootings, House Republicans today introduced legislation to place more schools into guns. The measure is in response to the tragic Florida massacre.
“If we had more schools in guns, a tragedy like this would never occur,” a somber Representative French Hill said from his Capitol Hill offices. Hill, who’s pocketed over a million dollars in campaign donations from the National Rifle Association over the years, is not always so quick to criticize gun manufacturers. But today he decided to take a tough stand. “These gun makers need to put more schools in guns, and they need to do it NOW NOW NOW,” Hill shouted at this reporter.
Congressman David Young, who himself has taken in nearly three-quarters of a million dollars from the NRA, backed his colleague Hill. “Now is the time to not do much and pause and reflect and then move on to something else, but at the same time these Gun-Free School Zones need to go. Instead, what we need is of course more schools in guns. This tragedy could have been prevented.” After he ended our interview, a forgetful Young rushed back down the hall screaming “mental health, mental health, I forgot about that one!” loud enough so we could hear him.